“But Mama, you never cry either!”

That’s what my daughter told me a little over a year ago when I was explaining to her that it’s okay to cry. I had noticed her struggling on many occasions, trying hard not to cry even when it was completely natural to do so. She often praised herself for not crying, despite the emotions she was feeling.

One day, she was truly struggling, and I could see her battling with herself to hold back tears. I reassured her, saying, “There’s nothing wrong with crying. Sometimes, it’s exactly what you need to feel better. Don’t feel ashamed if you need to cry; it’s not a sign of weakness.” That’s when she replied, “But Mama, you never cry either!”

Her remark took me by surprise, especially because everyone who knows me would tell you that I am a professional crier. What happened was that I tried to protect my kids from the impacts of a difficult divorce and the struggle of rebuilding a life from scratch. I felt a lot of guilt about all the changes they had gone through. Prior to the divorce, they had already moved to another continent, facing a new culture, a new system, new schools—new everything. Then the divorce happened, followed by the constant shuffle between two homes. I was determined not to let them feel the weight of my struggles.

My eldest, perceptive as always, had noticed my swollen, puffy red eyes. But my daughter, still too young to fully understand, had seen my silent battles and, in her own way, absorbed the belief that it wasn’t okay to cry.

Isn’t it interesting how sometimes our well-intentioned efforts to protect can create unintended distortion? I finally told her, « Oh, my darling, I am a professional crier. She giggled at that. I don’t cry in front of you because children aren’t equipped to deal with big adult emotions. Would it help if I let you see me cry once in a while? Just don’t worry too much if you see me cry ok. Crying doesn’t mean that I’m not strong; a good cry is sometimes what we need to keep going. » To my surprise, she burst into tears then, releasing emotions she’d likely held inside for far too long. She cried and cried, and in that moment, I realized the healing power of showing vulnerability.

Since then, I’ve made a conscious effort to let her see me cry now and then. I’ve reminded her, time and time again, that it’s okay to cry when she needs to. And I’m happy to say that she’s taken that to heart—she’s started allowing herself to cry when her emotions overflow, a small but meaningful step toward embracing her feelings.

On our family vision board for 2025, she wrote something that moved me deeply.

Being a parent isn’t always easy. It’s a journey filled with challenges, but it has also been the most humbling, educational, and profoundly rewarding experience of my life.

With love always,

R-D